Monday, October 25, 2010

Monday confessional

In honor of the fact that today is Monday (and Mondays really are the black sheep of the Day family), I feel the need to share some of the dark thoughts that are lurking in my soul.

The soul that is particularly dark and cranky on this Monday. For several reasons.

First, having just spent a small fortune to have all the trees in my yard pruned and trimmed, plus a dead one removed, it is most disheartening to have a large branch break off during a freak thunderstorm yesterday. Because really? I just love spending money on stuff like dead trees. It's way more fun than on, say, furniture and clothes. Both of which could be purchased for the same price of stupid dead trees.

Second, is it just me or does anyone else find it annoying to log onto reader and see that the Pioneer Woman (though my hero she will always be) has written like four posts by eight a.m.? I swear. I can barely crank out two or three a week. That woman writes like eight posts a day. It's driving me batty. And not because I don't enjoy reading them. But because I feel the need to compete with everyone and every thing around me.

Third, I don't know what it is about the last few months, but I CANNOT. STOP. THE. EATING. It's getting way out of control and I need help. Please. Someone at church grab me by the extra-thick arms next week and tell me you are noticing how chubby I am getting and you wish I would stop. This gravy train has bought a one-way ticket to the next size up, and I am not sure how to stop it.

Fourth, I love the fall, but I really hate raking the leaves. And since we live in Del Boca Vista, every single one of our retired neighbors is out there, morning, noon and night. Raking, trimming, weeding, mulching. And, undoubtedly, pointing at our house and cursing. Not that I blame them - the leaves are piling up. But sheesh. How can one get in all the eating if one is supposed to be outside raking?

And, last, but not least, I am sick of my hair and need a hair suicide hotline that I can call. Remember two years ago what happened when I got sick of it? Please. Someone stop me before I do something drastic, like run into the salon, a Twinkee in each hand, and beg to get the Bruce Jenner.

Yeah. It's that bad.

Happy Effing Monday.

19 comments:

Annemarie said...

And this is exactly why I love you, my friend.
I should be doing a lot of other things right now but I find myself wasting time on the computer and coming across this fabulous post.
Happy effing Monday is right.

I wish we could go to lunch tomorrow...I could probably out-eat you.

Emily said...

What is it with the eating--it's all I can do right now too. In fact last night I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't eat any sweets until Chicago--not even that long, just a couple days. Yeah, that lasted until about 11:30 this morning when I wolfed down a couple cookies and the better part of a box of peanut caramel popcorn. Sheesh! And speaking of the windy city--yes, I am so sorry to miss you, and will think of you with every sacchrine drenched bite I take.

Elizabeth said...

Okay put the Twinkee (which I am hoping is a food product ) down!
The PW (God love her) probably has lots of peeps to look after her kids/washing up/laundry and she lives in the middle of nowhere what else does she have to do but blog?
Good luck with the hair... this is my life (I need to update my profile pic every 3 months to be relevant and that is just sad!) so I really know how you feel. For the record your hair always look very nice.
Cheer up, its Tuesday here so I know it’s on its way.

Lindsey said...

Hey! Bruce Jenner just got his hair cut on last night's episode of keeping up with the Kardashians! It looks MUCH MUCH better now. However, you would look much much worse with his new do. I am having a hair crisis as well. COLOR. I think that is what does the trick. However, I am going a little more dramatic and sassy too. Maybe I will post before and after's on Thursday.

Lala said...

I am feeling the Monday blues. I'm ready to get in the car and just d r i v e a w a y... I don't know if I'll come back.

BUT seeing that you had a new post Made my Monday!

PS I'm going to e-mail you something ...

Melissa Walker said...

I am on the food train with you. I have to keep running just to break even. And I mean running as in a marathon/half-marathon every month. I was hoping it would slim me down, but alas it has just become my excuse to eat whatever I want.

Cathy said...

I don't even read Pioneer Woman. I can't handle the feelings of inadequacy. How's this for Monday...I babysat my nephews from 8:00 in the morning until 7:00 at night. One of them is a 3-month-old who DOES NOT NAP. Ever. That's why I didn't stop eating today. And I love your hair. I wish I could have pretty bangs like yours.

Julianna said...

I was doing so well on the no sugar thing (down 22 of the 30 lbs I want to lose) And then... I smelt the chocolate wafting from the Halloween candy. Lord help me... thankfully, it'll be over in 6 days. :)

How do people post multiple times a day? Frankly, I'm just not that interesting. -J

Stefani said...

Del Boca Vista! Hahahahaha!

Travelin'Oma said...

If you had thin, fine short hair there would be nothing to think about. Heavy, thick waves can take lots of imagination and still look gorgeous. (Just don't let Josh give you a perm.)

Karey said...

Do you still have your hairdresser? Hopefully he'll take care of you when you snap!

I'm dreading the shoveling even more than the raking and it snowed last night. Crap!

Hope the rest of your week is better than Monday.

Andy Johnson said...

Waaaaaaaaaa!

It's called life, and everybody else's sucks too. We're just quiet about it.

the wrath of khandrea said...

this andy is a wise fellow.

go get a therapist. there is nothing as cathartic as knowing you can pay someone to listen to your emotional deluge, and they are bound by law to keep it all secret.

Tristan said...

DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC WITH YOUR HAIR! If you are going to be drastic, come visit me and I will trim and shape your hair and give you an amazing color. Then you will feel better ;-) Promise me k????

calibosmom said...

Sorry for your sucky Monday but you made me laugh and thats more than I can say for Pioneer Woman-I don't even read her blog! She's kind of a freak of nature. Don't worry about the food-you are storing up for winter.

Joy & Casey said...

My fav thing about you??? That you say church and effing all in the same post. You are my kind of girl. Did I get it from you?
Love you. Hope your Tuesday is better. And need a self esteem boost? Let's stand on a scale side by side. Promise I'm chubbier. Trying to decide if it bothers me or if I can somehow just be cool with it....

brooke said...

This is why I love your blog.

I must be riding the same train cause oh my gosh--could I get any fatter in one month? Those damn "fun size" candy bars. Fun size simply means small enough that you justify eating the entire bag.

Lauren in GA said...

Dumb dead tree branch. You should turn it into toothpicks. That'll teach it.

I'm sorry that your Monday was so lousy.

I am so sorry about the weight gain. It is so hard. I just found out that I have Type 2 diabetes. I wish I could gain mastery over food but I just can't seem to.

crystal said...

Keep yer mitts off those scissors, missy! Leave the cutting to the professionals; you can tweeze your brows if you feel the need to self-inflict beauty upkeep.

I have seriously often wondered HOW Pioneer Woman homeschools her children AND blogs so profusely.