Thursday, April 3, 2008

A word of advice

Let's just say you are in your mudroom, putting in a new load of laundry. You have just finished working out, and are still wearing your exercise clothes. You notice they would fit nicely in the load you are putting in the washer. You then realize that you have nothing else to put on at the moment, but figure you can make a mad dash upstairs. After all, your daughter is in the basement happily singing along to Disney's latest brainwashing tool High School Musical, and your boys are at school. Plus, you were just about to jump in the shower anyway.

DO NOT, under any circumstances, listen to the voice in your head that tells you this is a good thing to do.

It's not.

For as your jiggly, white, naked body is sprinting up the stairs, the doorbell will ring. And you will notice the goofy smile of the UPS man, peeking through the glass on the side of your front door.

And he has just seen you in all your naked glory.

I mean this advice generally, of course. It's not as though anything like this has ever happened to me in real life.

Definitely not today.

And definitely not, say, about an hour ago.

70 comments:

momy4him said...

bwahhhaahaa!!!
oh that is too funny, and horrific(for the naked person)!!!
i'm not laughing at you since it didn't really happen to you. i'm just sayin.

Paige said...

Wow, Lucky guy. I'm sure you made his day!

Annie said...

I'm with Paige, this was certainly a red letter day for the UPS man if this were indeed to happen. Hypothetically. (Hypothetically, I have also done the naked dash upstairs but managed to escape notice, luckily for EVERYONE.)

I think you're just in training for the naked quad run at my fine educational institution.

Queen B said...

It is a good thing that never happened. Because that could be traumatic.

mary elizabeth said...

lol! good thing this is all just advice, not like you are speaking from experience! ;)

(by the way, I'm Anna's little sis...)

Rosie said...

I have TOTALLY done that, but never been caught. Beware if your next package arrives with a bunch of long-stemmed roses.

Lisa @ Take90West said...

No way! Laughing so hard at that. I've been there too...only I was rushing down from my room to the laundry room, thinking everyone was outside in front only to run thru the kitchen and see my husband on the back pation talking to the landscaper.
Everytime I see that landscaper now, I hide in the house.

Summers Camp said...

What was he delivering? Pants? *B

pinkmommy said...

And THAT is the exact reason I insist on having every inch of glass in my house covered.

gab said...

Also, if your contractor (who is also your bishop) is replacing your roof and dormer windows, do not forget that there is a huge skylight in your master bath. Shower with extreme caution...

jimaie.marie said...

oh my lordy!!

that is HORRIFYING! i would've died of embarrassment. died!

did the person that this story is referring to (of course not you!) have to eventually answer the door to get her package?

Aaack!!

:D

Heeere's J-dude: said...

And me too - YIKES!!! That's all I can think of - YIKES!!!

Actually, I have a question - will you only be ordering through Fed Ex now?

All I can say is that the UPS man had better be glad he was at your house and not mine!

RobynandJoe said...

That is the funniest post I've read in a long time!!!! If this had REALLY happened, would you have gotten dressed and actually answered the door? That UPS guy will probably insist on the same route from now on!

Amanda said...

That is so funny! I hope you at least got something good from UPS!

Bridget said...

You were at least glad for a great blog post. Admit it. You were. That is so funny though. I have done the mad dash many times.

We have some little windows that are up high on the wall in our bedroom. They aren't even shaped so you can put any window coverings on them. They just have a view of some trees and the top of the neighbors house. Harmless right? Well I was standing there naked one morning digging for some underwear in my dresser and look up to see a construction worker on top of the roof of the neighbor's house. I empathize with you.

Family Adventure said...

I do this all the time!

I mean...I USED to do this all the time.

(And they say you can't learn from others' mistakes. Sheesh)

Hope that UPS guy isn't a regular.

Heidi

Wendi said...

Thanks for yet another great ab workout! This is too funny.
Whew! I am so glad that has never happened to you... today...or even an hour ago. That could really be embarassing!

Melain said...

HM. The great Feng Shui masters of the world used have said it is inauspicious to have glass in or around your front door. It should be tall and solid, to keep the auspicious chi in the house. I think the UPS guy left with an EYEFUL of your chi that belongs behind solid wood.

DanandCindy said...

Go to his blog to see naked photos of Christie. Stay at Christie's blog to see naked photos of Martha Stewart.

Christie said...

Daniel, this was probably the only funny comment you've ever made. I hadn't even thought that HE might be a blogger.

Or for the person that this happened to. Ahem.

Rochelleht said...

Oh my gosh! That makes me laugh to hard. I hope he was as cute as our UPS man.

Holly said...

Oh no, that poor, poor unfortunate, yet slightly exhibitionist lady. Whoever she is of course.

martha corinna said...

I do this on a regular basis and have been caught a few times, once by someone in our bishopric who happens to be my own age and who I have to talk to every week while blushing and while we both pretend it never happened.

A Box of Chocolates said...

Oh my gosh...I would die and then he would get a nice long view!! If he saw me though he would probably be scared enough to never look in the door windows again!

Kristin said...

Thanks so much, you just made my whole day.

Kristin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maren :) said...

I am so proud of you for writing about this... it helps the sick feeling, just a bit, to know the world is laughing with you... NOW (at the time, not so funny). But crisis + time = humor... and it is funny now. (Not so much for poor Martha, glad the UPS guy isn't in our ward!)

andrea said...

oh DAAAAAAMN!!! that is so funny, i can't stand it. i will probably think about it randomly this evening, and my husband will say "what are you laughing at?" and i'll just have to tell him "it's a blog thing" because he probably doesn't really want to know anyway.

Hollyween said...

Oh, that is my WORST nightmare. I've made the mad dash more than once and our door has glass too. HORRIFYING!!!

Jessica said...

I just read this post to Ryan (and my sister Bekah--thanks for making her first exposure to you so HILARIOUS) and his comment was, "Now I wish I was the UPS guy in wherever she lives."

But he was just joking.

Because he has plenty of white jiggly naked flesh in his own neck of the woods.

Tribe M said...

Better a stranger than one's in-laws! I was standing next to a window in my 2nd floor room naked over a laundery basket of clean clothes and there on the usually empty street were my in-laws stopped in the middle of the street, honking, waving with their heads out the window. I dropped on the floor and did not call them for a few days. I almost died of mortification!

Kimberly and Devon said...

I do that all the time...thank goodness my laundry room is upstairs! That is just so embarrassing...good thing you work out...I'm sure you weren't as jiggly as you think. I bet the UPS man has forever claimed dibs on delivering to your house...you probably really made his day!

Purple CJ Diva Duckie said...

Well, who ever this happened to, not you of course, I am sure the UPS man was delighted to wait and see if that person, of course not you, would come to the door. I am sure he waited a few seconds longer, just in case this person, not you, wanted to have the package with you when you went upstairs.
If only the person who this happened to listen to that still small voice.
Maybe next time the voice will be louder so they can hear it!

Jenibelle said...

I had it when nightmares are so realistic, don't you?

IF that had ever happened, how does it feel to be the topic of so much dinner conversation tonight?

dcrmom said...

No. You. DI-IN'T.

OMG. OMG. I've done that, and I always envision such an atrocity, but it's never happened. OMG. I will NEVER do that again.

Diane said...

Say that this actually did happen...I wonder what the topic of conversation might have been during break time at UPS today! Actually....heck with break time, he has a walkie talkie in the van!

Kristy said...

Okay, I can barely comment thru the tears (of laughter)!!! I wonder how many times this guy will tell the story of his best day at work EVER! LOL

The other comments were just as hilarious. I didn't realize there were so many streakers out there...LOL

calibosmom said...

Oh my! I'll keep that in mind because I do that all the time. I'm sure the UPS guys see A LOT of stuff-they should have their own blogs.

Denae (a.k.a. D-dawg) said...

STIE! That is so hilarious. I mean if it had happened it would've been. WOW!

Lindsey said...

From the SECOND I started reading this post I knew exactly what it was going to say because I have done it a million (ok maybe 100) times.... I have yet to be caught by the UPS man... fortunately for him. :)

Ashlee said...

What's he doing peeking through your glass anyway? Peeping Tom! :0)

Amz said...

Thanks for the reminder...I am so, so guilty of this! My question is though, did you then answer the door after throwing something on?? Or did you just let him leave the package? What in the heck was he doing peekin' through the glass! He must know what he is doing!

Jenibelle said...

Hate it, not "had it", hate it.
I'm a misspelling goober.

Julia said...

SO funny!

Seriously though, he was smiling??! What a pervert. Although if that happened to me, he probably wouldn't be smiling, he would be horrified and scarred for life and it would serve him right.

Lauren said...

Oh, my! Well, at least he was smiling and not crying like any self-respecting UPS carrier would be if he had seen me naked.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog on & off for a while now (I'm Maren's sister) and this has made me stop and comment...
OH My Gosh!!! I seriously do that ALL the time & am so nervous I'll get caught - I do so much on line shopping the boys have started "playing" "Look at the package I just ordered" by filling boxes with stuff and delivering them to each other. - I've got to stop the streaking 'cause it's just a matter of time.
THANKS for SHARING!!!
Lara

crystal said...

Ohhhh, what an eyeful that UPS man got! Oh, the stories at the water cooler today....

Jiggle on, Lady Godiva.

Michael said...

Let that be a lesson that no matter how tempting it is, you should never peek through people's front-door windows. It can only lead to awkwardness!

Holly said...

LOL!!! Oh too funny. I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you. Honestly!

TravelinOma said...

At least your mailman will be prompt from now on.

Vintage Dutch Girl said...

Wow. That is unfortunate :)

And I thought my UPS man story was bad....you win!

http://vintagedutchgirl.blogspot.com/2008/02/sorry-to-ups-guy.html

Lori said...

I needed a good laugh today!

Chatter said...

No that did not happen! You must have been mortified. LOL. Leave it to you to be able to share a story like this. Thanks for the laugh ;)

Lindsey said...

53 Comments! You are a ROCK STAR!!! I usually can't get past 8.

Emily said...

You have just given him the best "sittin around sharin' delivery stories" ever! Think of how many people this story will pass through . . . Well Uncle Bob, he's a UPS man, and one day when he was walking up to a house . . . hahahahaha. A GREAT story!

melissa said...

Hillarious!!
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm grateful that you did because that is the most I've laughed all day!!
Better luck next time!! ( :

katie said...

You are hilarious. And no, I hear you, it has never happened to me as well (sans ups man). I only (not) do it EVERY time, and make mad dashes upstairs hoping to avoid all children.

crazy. the things we (don't) do.

Emy5 said...

Woops, I'm glad that was not me. That really must have been a special delivery!

Becky said...

No...that did NOT happen. Did it???? Ouch. That actually happened to my sister when we were young- we had gotten out of the bath and she dropped her towel right when the newspaper boy came to the porch.

byebyepie said...

He absolutely, positively had to to you naked. Overnight.

Melissa Walker said...

My sister and I just fell off our chairs laughing at this--thanks for the great story!

Li said...

This is just too hilarious!!

I found your blog through Meggan Boston. What an entertaining read! I hope you don't mind if I pop in from time to time. :)

Wendi said...

Yep... just as funny the second time! Thanks again. (I was trying to avoid the crunches today... and decided to visit your blog instead!)

Cara said...

O.K. that was funny. When I was single and living in an apt. I would lay by the pool everyday untill I had to go to work. Then I would come and shower and get ready. I didn't realize anyone could see into my windows becasue a. there were blinds half open and b. my window looked out to the parking lot. One day I realized that the UPS man parked right out my window and waited for me to get ready! Gross ol' UPS man!!!

AnnaBanana said...

I bet your hubby wishes that he would have walked in the door as you started the washing machine. Then he could have chased you upstairs. Too funny, my laundry room is upstairs just outside of my bedroom door. But I have forgotten to close the blinds beside my bathtub and when taking a bath at night flashed my neighbor. Lucky for me my neighbor is a she and blind as a bat.

Amy Jorgensen said...

I, too, fell of the chair laughing. There were serious tears. I'm pretty sure there is some sort of rank among ups guys...kind of like the army. You get your first stripe when you see your first naked lady, and another when you reach 10, and so on. Or maybe it's just like getting a hole in one in golf -- you have to take out everyone on your shift and treat them to a drink. A variation on this happened to me with my home teachers. I had just put my dress in the wash (covered in cheerio goo), and was running upstairs to change. I wonder why we got a new set of home teachers the next month? Awkward!

Groverfam said...

the poor UPS man! You don't know me but i snuck a peak and was LOL. Problem is i love my UPS man and that would be the end of our friendship. So sorry it happened to you.

carrie & troy keiser said...

Oh MY! Thanks for that laugh! :)

Rae said...

Not-uh! I've got to admit I've done just that thing many times before and have never been caught...that I KNOW of! I will officially now NEVER do that again!!

Jojo said...

Great advice! I'll tell my wife.