Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Blaming Grandpa

This morning, at the unholy hour of five-thirty a.m., the phone next to my bed rings. It startles me from a deep and peaceful sleep. My heart jumps, knowing if the phone rings that early, the news can only be bad.

I stumble for the phone to see who is calling.

Without my contacts or glasses, I am essentially blind, and the most I can make out is our last name.

In a panic, I answer the phone, praying that the Husband (who is traveling as usual this week) is not in some dire situation requiring either bail money or an E.R. visit.

The squeaky, giggling voice of my oldest son says, "APRIL FOOL'S, MOM!"

Then I hear him fall down in a fit of hysterical laughter.

He had used my cell phone to call our house.

At five-freaking-thirty in the morning.

I lay my head back on the pillow, exasperated, and try to find a reason not to take him out of this world (after all, I did bring him into it, or so the saying goes). Unable to go back to sleep, and struggling for patience, I head downstairs and begin the breakfast preparations for my early risers.

It turns out that I was not the only victim of McKay's pranks. He had switched everyone's coats and backpacks around in the mudroom lockers. He filled a squirt bottle with water and secretly squirted his sister in the back of the head. He left crazy notes. He slipped contraband items into his brother's school backpack.

He was a troll. And all before the sun was even up.

Watching him run around pulling all these stunts, I realized something. He is a miniature version of his Grandpa.
My Dad is the king of April Fool's Day. All through my childhood, he was the master prankster. Every year, you never knew what to expect. He knew just how to catch you by surprise and do something you could not have imagined.

Like the time he nailed all my shoes to the floor.

Yes, to the carpet. In our house.

Or when he woke me up in the middle of the night and told me I had missed the bus and was late for school, but waited until I was showered and getting ready to mention his little joke.

And his pranks were not merely reserved for April Fool's Day. Ice cold water was routinely dumped over the top of the shower curtain. Waking up to colored milk was a disturbingly-common occurrence in my youth. And I will never forget the time my Mom put hair dye in my Dad's hair and shut off all the water in the house so he would be unable to wash it out.

Let's just say that I learned at a very early age to never be surprised at anything.

And so I will humor the little boy in this house. I will smile, and laugh, and tell him that he got me good. But he should know this:

REVENGE WILL BE MINE.

That five-thirty wake-up call will one day return to haunt him, probably about the time he turns 16, and longs to sleep until noon.

And if he gets mad?

Well, I'll just tell him to blame it all on Grandpa.

35 comments:

Kristin said...

I can't stop laughing long enough to think of something funny to comment with. Thanks for making my April fools day, I forget it was even this day.

Family Adventure said...

OH WOW! Your dad was co-ol (and may I say that is a rockin' head of hair he's sporting), and your son, well, I can laugh because I'm sitting here reading about it. Not sure I would have been quite as amused at 5:30 am, but I do admire his creativity!

Besides...it could be worse...in fact, the reason I'm sitting here, blogging, at a little past 5 am my time is because someone called ME at 2 am and hung up! And I know it wasn't my children. Crank calls on April 2nd are never, ever funny. UGH!

Have a good day, Stie,

Heidi

Kimberly and Devon said...

OH, that is so funny! I remember hearing some of those wild April Fool's day pranks at your house. What's up with the cold water over the shower curtain thing??? My dad would do that too and thought it was SO funny! I tried it once on Devon and he didn't think it was funny AT ALL! Actually, I think I even tried it on a few of my roommates too! Good times. I know the 5:30am wake-up call was slightly annoying, but, your son is just so clever and cute!

Celia Fae said...

Me and Grandpa would be friends. My dad us always the sucker, not the suckee. Good fun.

Kristy said...

Hilarious, once again! I love how creative your dad is. (The missing the bus trick sounds like a good one to do as a return favor to your oldest one day! :) That must be where your creativity and humor comes from! Laughter in the home is so great...what a blessing. Your son is too funny, mischievous w/o being mean.

Lindsey said...

I love that you are planning are already planning revenge so something I would do.

The UnMighty said...

And you still speak to your father?

Heeere's J-dude: said...

AHHHH!!!! Its people like Mckay and your dad that ruin my life every April 1st!!! People can not be trusted!!!!

I'm scared, very very scared!

gab said...

Hahaha! I will be sure to keep my kids away from their older cousin. They were trying to think of good pranks and couldn't come up with any. Thank goodness!

That photo of your dad and Hannah is adorable.

Rochelleht said...

OH! You are a patient mamma. I think I could not wait till 16. It would have been 5:32 in our house and someone would have been full of regret. Perhaps me, but anyway...

girlymama said...

what a little punk!!!!

(although, it was pretty funny, you have to admit...)

Bridget said...

Oh my gosh. Your dad is a riot! That is so funny. Anyone who thinks the laughs of nailing shoes to your floor are worth it, is quite a character. That's cute McKay is getting into the spirit of the holiday too.

Ashlee said...

What a funny kid! I don't know that I would have found much humor in a 5:30 wake up either though.

andrea said...

that child deserves a medal! kids like that are the best. think of him as a small comedic genius.

excellent. most excellent.

DanandCindy said...

Yeah, our family was full of fun hearted pranks, like the time that you and Craig tied me up for hours in the basement, and made fun of the fact that my cries for help sounded like a "foghorn". Oh, those were great times, or maybe there was the times that you made fun of my red hair and freckles. Oh, that was awesome. We sure did have some special times together. I really don't think that any of those events could have left any kind of psychological impact on me. Or could they have???

Maybe that's where the rage inside of me started. Maybe that's the root of the great number of pleasant comments left on your "blog". I don't know. I'll have something to talk to my therapist about this week.

Chatter said...

Great story! I didn't know it was April fools until watching the news. Maybe next year. I did one April Fools in college which resulted in hubby (then boyfriend) leaving his coop, rushing to campus and finding me in the computer lab to see how I was doing. Ooopps.... bad April Fools idea. Haven't done one since!

Glad to hear you laughed about it! You are a great mama!

Amanda said...

This cracks me up! We didn't do much growing up for April Fool's Day. My oldest was sick yesterday and I was telling my DH that I was relieved he didn't go to school to learn all about pranks.

Lauren said...

"a situation requiring bail money" that was rich, you are so funny.

Sorry about the phone call...good job letting him relish the fact that he got you, "good". I love the way you chortled that revenge will be yours. Heh, heh, heh.

Denae (a.k.a. D-dawg) said...

We have it in our gene's too. My dad LOVES April fool's day. I can't believe you got "got" by your kid though. That is so funny.

2happy+2 said...

Sounds like my household yesterday. Luckily it wasn't in the a.m. hours, but it was when I had baby on hip and was cooking dinner and doing dishes at the same time and also had a neighbor over taking all at the same time. So it was a quick throw of the baby to the neighbor and a painful chin to the dishwasher door. Not to mention the phone was not on the dock. So I found it and answered it on the last ring. Yep, Shaelyn was yelling April Fools. Not amused. Got her back later. Told her she could stay up late and when she got all excited yelled April Fool's. Whoever started this tradition should be shot. My Grandpa's birthday was April 1st. Poor man!!!
You're a good sport!

2happy+2 said...

Sounds like my household yesterday. Luckily it wasn't in the a.m. hours, but it was when I had baby on hip and was cooking dinner and doing dishes at the same time and also had a neighbor over taking all at the same time. So it was a quick throw of the baby to the neighbor and a painful chin to the dishwasher door. Not to mention the phone was not on the dock. So I found it and answered it on the last ring. Yep, Shaelyn was yelling April Fools. Not amused. Got her back later. Told her she could stay up late and when she got all excited yelled April Fool's. Whoever started this tradition should be shot. My Grandpa's birthday was April 1st. Poor man!!!
You're a good sport!

Lisa-Marie said...

Oh, that is RICH! I love sneaky, witty, smart kiddos. (Especially when they aren't mine!)

TravelinOma said...

What a fun boy to have in your house! Put salt in the sugar bowl, and make him some thinnies. That will teach him!

Purple CJ Diva Duckie said...

I guess the apple doesn't fall from the tree.
I don't know if I would have been able to breathe after all of that. And get out of bed to cook breakfast...FORGET IT!! LOL
My oldest son, almost 21, wanted to do something to me yesterday. But he changed his mind. Thank GOODNESS-for his sake!
You may have to remind him once a year that his time is coming when he least expects it! You have plenty of time to think of something really good!

RobynandJoe said...

I don't know which is funnier...Dan's comment or your blog. We must be related. My dad LOVED the ice cold water over the shower curtain trick. A few years ago I bought a package of Oreo cookies for Joe and replaced all of the cream with toothpaste. I love pranks! Way to go, McKay!

Becky said...

Ok, THAT was funny. Nailed your shoes to the carpet? Hilarious. I forgot all about april fools and not one of my kids called at 5:30. Good one Chase. So funny!

Jodi said...

That is hysterical! What a prankster! Can I just say I LOVE your blog and the way you write! I enjoy it so much every time I come to visit. That story was great!

Michael said...

Good thing Kimberly is a pretty good sister now, 'cause I feel a little bit like Dan when I think about her "pranks." Maybe you and Kimberly took our dads' jokes to the extreme on your younger brothers. Chase sounds like a great jokester. I was stupid enough to fall for at least three or four April Fools jokes...even the gmail one. I felt so dumb when I remembered that they do a prank every year.

Melain said...

UGH! I HATE practical jokes and I HATE april fools day. Strangely though, I love all the pranks that Jim pulls on Dwight. It's the only reason I watch The Office. 3 cheers for double standards.

DanandCindy said...

Robyn, I'll tell you what's funnier. Dan's comments are much funnier than this lame ole blog will ever be.

Jenibelle said...

After reading all the posts, I have made a commitment, next year, for the first time, I will CELEBRATE April's Fools, no more just passive living on April 1, I will be CELEBRATING.

The shoe story, hysterical. Love it. And I think your revenge is great. Looks like you have about 8 or so years to REALLY plan. Poor McKay, I am starting to feel sorry for him NOW :)

Meggan said...

That is awesome! (I know you weren't thinking so when it was before the sunrise!) But what a funny kid.

Jen said...

I came from Jodi's blog and will have to come back often! You have a way with words. And it sounds like growing up was never a dull day. Good those genes got passed on!

Rosie said...

I never knew your family was so pranky! Just another reason why blogs are great.

But I do remember your dad always having a peacock feather at the zoo and slyly tickling our ears with it.

Hollyween said...

Such a cute post!
Sounds like you got quite the prankster on your hands! What a great and fun childhood it sounds like you had though. And a fun dad.