Monday, November 5, 2007

My favorite google searches

One of the coolest things about having a site meter (besides spying on all those lurkers who read my blog and never comment, HINT! HINT!) is being able to see what people are googling when they accidentally stumble my way.

I am pretty certain that when you type "Favorite things in the dark," you most definitely do not intend to read about my ramblings on such intellectually stimulating topics as pee, childbirth, and freckles. Okay. So I've never actually posted about pee. Or childbirth. But I could. I really could. I've got lots to say on those subjects if I wanted to.

But I won't.

Here are a few of my favorite Google searches. May you crazy people eventually find what you're looking for:

"Is it possible to make your eyeballs look bigger?" Oh, I sure hope not. But in this wacky world of ours, nothing would surprise me. It may be an untapped corner of the market for brave plastic surgeons. Don't be surprised when we see Dr. Rey doing one of these. This could be the before and after:




"Favorite things for old people." I get a lot of "favorite things for..." queries due to my title. I'd be interested in favorite things for old people, too. Any geriatric readers out there that can enlighten the rest of us? Depends? Blue hair dye? Denture adhesive? Polyester pants that go up to your armpits? No?

"My favorite vacation long paper." Can't you just picture some high school kid somewhere googling to find a paper he can steal on HIS favorite vacation, that was of course written by someone else. It made me laugh. Wonder what he thought when he pulled up pictures of my kids instead. Hee hee. Served you right, cheater.

"Who said you get them piping hot after 4 a.m." I don't even want to know what someone is looking to get piping hot after 4 a.m. All I know for sure is that Satan comes out after midnight. The Sunday School teachers told me. And I believe them.

"Least favorite thing about a bathroom." I can safely say that just BEING in the bathroom is my least favorite thing about a bathroom. But maybe that's just me. Maybe there are people who enjoy spending a lot of time there and have favorite things about the experience. Daniel? This one seems right up your alley. Do share. Actually, don't. Never mind.

"Is it possible that I'm not as attractive as I think I am?" Yes. It's not only possible, but it's a fact. You ARE ugly. Accept it, as I have, and move on.

"Hannah's world." I live in Hannah's world and I'm always looking for ways to get out of it. It's not very fun to be bossed around by a five-year-old that thinks one should always wear pink lace dresses and tiaras when out-and-about on the town. Even if one is almost 34.

"Scrapbook divorced dads." Yes, a scrapbook about divorced dads would indeed be a treasure. Provocraft - here's a new angle you might have missed in the scrapbooking product line.

"Things to do with your kids on a Sunday afternoon." How about declaring martial law, sticking them in front of a movie, and taking a four-hour nap? It ALWAYS works out well for me. I even find it useful on other days of the week. Like Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And Wednesdays and Friday, too.

And my absolute favorite (which, oddly, has come up several different times) is:

"Martha Stewart naked."

Yes. Really.

Help me understand, internets, why ANYONE on god's green earth would want to see M.S. naked? Seriously? I guess there's all kinds out there.

And now they've been led to me. Awesome.

25 comments:

kari said...

This is hilarious! Great post!

Bridget said...

That is so funny!! Martha Stewart naked??! Now I am realizing I am not using my sitemeter to its full advantage. YOu can get all these google searches from it?

maren said...

MAN! I feel caught! I love to just come in and read, then silently go away. I really am not lurking... well, only a little. Thanks for making me smile. :)

Amanda said...

This cracks me up! wordpress does these automatically and sometimes they are pretty crazy!

I agree with you though...Sunday naps and NO WAY on the Martha Stewart naked. =)

Annie said...

This is a favorite sport of mine, too. My sitemeter google search has lovelies like "decapitated chicken," "Connie Britton in a bathing suit" (because I separately posted about Connie Britton in Friday Night Lights and shopping for a bathing suit), lots of "hair cowlicks." I always feel like I should track them down and apologize for the letdown that they must experience when they click on my sorry blog.

But nothing can top Martha Stewart naked. And the great thing is, now that you've posted on it here and we've all commented on it, you'll go to the top of Google's list for that pervy search! Yay technology!

Kelly A. said...

I have a post titles If You Chance To Meet A Frown. That phrase is googled at least 10 times every Saturday night.

I figure it is poor primary teachers, late on a Saturday night, looking for that creepy face picture that you can turn upside down and it will be smiling at you.

gab said...

Stie...please let the "older generation" like me know how to do this. How do we find out how people got to us? I have all this info at my fingertips and, yet, am completely mentally impaired at accessing its power!!! HELP...

So so funny! You always make me smiel--I mean smile!

Chatter said...

Gab, it's not just the "older generation" that has no idea what she's talking about. I'm 26 and I'm completely embarrassed by how impaired I am with this crazy technology "stuff".

Stie, Great post!! Thanks for the laugh!

Mique said...

Ok you caught me...I am the one who was searching for Martha naked.
Come on that was a joke..no way....I don't think anyone wants to see her naked. Not even the jailbirds.
ANother funny post!

Jessica said...

I would google "entertaining and well-written" and it would come up you...as I was writing that it sounded super super cheesy...but now I'm leaving it there, because the complete cheesiness of it is now amusing. Sorry.

Michelle said...

LOL, okay those are really funny! Hee hee Martha naked! You holding out on us??

Michelle said...

LOL, okay those are really funny! Hee hee Martha naked! You holding out on us??

Family Adventure said...

In addition the M.S. nekkid search, I also enjoyed
"Is it possible that I'm not as attractive as I think I am?"

Classic!

Thanks for the chuckle! Heidi :)

i'm kelly said...

you are always good for a laugh! i love it. so which post brought up martha naked?

Becky said...

I guess when you see me read your blog and I don't comment, ...that does make me a blog stalker, huh? I only have 3 people that I know that blog, so I check those often.

The internet really creeps me out sometimes, you know that? All those weird searches, all those weird people. Me no like that. Now,...for future, if I don't comment, just know that I wanted to see how Christie was doing but I don't necessarily want to comment. Just picture me having a good laugh with you and all your funny thoughts. K? Don't make me feel that pressure, girl!

lainakay said...

Ack! I hate that picture... had to scroll past it really fast! Can't stand anything having to do with eyeballs! Blech!

Love this post! You seem to more adept at garnering information from your sitemeter than I am at mine.

The google searches at mine are not nearly as fun. I am surprised at how many times people google "free intricate coloring pages." That tiny little post of mine recommending an illustrator's website gets more hits than anything on my blog. I guess I should write more about coloring pages...

DanandCindy said...

Yes, it's true. I was looking for classy photos of Martha Stewart, and I happened upon your blog. I just think that it's strange that you wouldn't pass your blog onto your own brother...

Diane said...

WHEN did you ever mention Martha Stewart, let alone naked. I've got to get one of those sitemeter's on my blog. I've really been missing out!

Amz said...

Okay, Okay...I am coming out from the shadows! I love your blog and love to check in now and then. I have no idea how I found you! This is a great post....stop by my blog when you get a chance.

Paige said...

I have a stat counter too. Tomorrow please post on how we find out what people google, I can't do it!

Marty said...

Please post about how to take full advantage of Site meter or stat counter. I just look at the numbers and if they are going higher I assume it's good. I don't know what any of it really means.

And I want to spy on my lurkers, but I just get the address of an internet provider. Give us a tutorial.

Kimberly and Devon said...

Too funny!

Kate said...

This is too funny...and a little frightening!

Lisa-Marie said...

Kinda makes you want to make your blog private doesn't it??!?!?!?

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