Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A letter

Dear Animal Living in the Tree in my Front Yard:

I understand the inability you wild animals have of toileting like us humans. I respect our differences, but must you litter my mailbox in this manner? And must it be EVERY DAMN DAY? I am really getting tired of using my bills to scrape your dried-up feces off the mailbox. I mean, those bills probably ought to be used in the manner in which god intended them (such as coasters for my glass of diet coke).

So if you could find it in your heart to scoot your little bum over about eight inches to either side of the mailbox, I would be most grateful. Grateful enough to, say, not throw rocks at you while I'm waiting for the kindergarten bus.

Much love,

Stie/Durga

18 comments:

Marty: said...

Ever since we hosted a maternity hospital for pigeons on our deck, we have had this kind of natural decor, too. I read that spraying WD 40 oil makes wildlife seek another home. It worked for a while. Maybe it would work for you. Spray it in your trees.

Bridget said...

Oh that would drive me crazy too. At least it isn't IN your house. We had mice when we moved here. Now we get to pay $75 a month to the pest dude to spray so they stay out.

gab said...

that's the only problem living around trees...wildlife...

Annie said...

So funny! We have rude birds here too! I have a theory that we have royally pissed off (sorry mom, if you ever read this. she hates that word) the local bird population when we moved into our house a couple of months ago. They seem to leave their comments in similar form on our car. Lurvely.

Laurie said...

FOTFL! This is hysterical. Great post. Thanks for making me laugh.

Mique said...

I just almost peed my pants that was so funny! Always good for a laugh. I especially love that you have embraced your inner Durga ;)

Mique said...

P.s. Glad the chicken saved you today- how did your fam like it?

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

M,

The chicken was FANTASTIC. You are my new recipe go-to girl.

Jenny from Chicago said...

Like a coaster for my diet coke! Ha! You and I are apparently sharing one brain.

Emily said...

What would I expect but another poo story from you, Stie. Lovely, you finally have all your kids potty trained and in school only to find you can't get away from the poo. Hilarious!

marta said...

you make me laugh out loud. this photo will make an interesting scrapbook page. keep photographing your every day life. i love peeking in!

Rochelleht said...

That was HILARIOUS!!! YEEEUUUCK!!!

Maybe keep a small thing of clorox wipes in your mailbox to clean it every day.

Is that too anal? Maybe so...

RobynandJoe said...

That was so funny...I'm glad you included a picture...makes it that much more disgusting! You are one funny girl, Durga!

Cara said...

We had a rooster that would sleep in our tree at night. Don't know where he was during the day? but his clock was off and he would crow all night long!!! Finaly after months of not getting any sleep, Tom went out with his shotgun and blew that poor unsuspecting rooster out of the tree! That is the 1st and only time he has killed anything and he wasn't sad at all! So, I'm not sure if you want to go that drastic of a route but it may be an option! (BB gun of course) Do I sound like a hick or what? I'm not-realy!

Kimberly and Devon said...

Gosh, if the bird is going to leave droppings on your mailbox EVERY DAMN DAY, he could at least be considerate enough to make them blend in!

Kelly said...

loved this! sounds like you are making friends everywhere you go!

Diane said...

Do we have more DAMN birds in the south too?! You'd think this lousy hot weather would drive them away not make them flock over people's mailboxes and cars and have poop- fests!

Kimberly and Devon said...

I can't stop thinking about this Vampire series! I finished book #2 last night and Devon won't let me start the next one without him...he's really into it too. And, the next time you need some vinyl lettering, let me know. I am having the time of my life with this wonderful machine!!!