Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Torture by drill and suction

Today I had the unwonted privilege of paying an ungodly amount of money to sit hands clenched, toes curled, mouth gaping in the dentist's chair for about two hours. Apparently, all the top-notch materials used to repair my teeth as a child are now obsolete and my fillings needed to be replaced. Some of them had cracked and had decay underneath. Lovely, no? The things no one tells you...

I loathe the dentist. And that's actually putting it nicely. To me, if given the choice of having dental work done and poking my eyes out with toothpicks - I'd most likely opt for the toothpicks. Seriously. I hate it that bad. Josh tried to cheer my spirits this morning by reminding me of all the surgeries I've had, the fact that I've birthed three children (one without an epidural, thank you very much), and that I'm tough enough to endure daily life with the likes of him.

It didn't cheer me up. All of that pales in comparison to the endurance I need to face the dental drill. It's like nails on a chalkboard for two solid hours. Awful. Ugly.

So now I'm numb from my eyeballs to my neck, I have been deprived of my favorite hobby (eating), and I can't tell that I've got drool running down my lips. I am quite the picture of loveliness. Hannah summed it up ever-so-tactfully when she said, "You don't look berry good. What did you do to your face?" She finds it quite comical and keeps coming in to say, "Show me your smile again." Then she shrieks with laughter and runs off giggling.

I am so eating all her good Easter candy this weekend. That is, providing the feeling in my face returns by then.

7 comments:

Daniel said...

Damn that Dr. Sutton and Dr. Dana to hell!!! I had the same thing done on my teeth. He still has more to fix, he seems to find more that have "worn out" since the last time I saw him. Who knew that the fillings would only last 20 years. I'm glad I finally started brushing my teeth at age 14. Who knows what would have happened.

Stie said...

My sentiments exactly...and I brushed my teeth long before you. Can't imagine the party going on at your dentist's office. You must have at least bought him a new Porche. I think my visits will only make a payment or two on her condo in Maui (which she talked nonstop about to the hygienist whilst drilling me to death). Stupid dentists. Ala one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes - I am an anti-dentite.

emily said...

AHHHHH! So so sorry! I told you I had two of my three replaced the weekend before we saw you. Today I bit down on a corn chip too hard--right side molar screamed "what are you doing?!" The hygenist says that if I still have tenderness after two months call them. TWO MONTHS! Are you #&*@^ kidding me! Also, lovely how they either talk to you and expect an answer while two fists you never want to see again are shoved in your mouth or they speak to the assistant as if you are just a plastic mouth they are neatly practicing on to be ready for the real ones. My dentist (who is a good friend otherwise) took the advantage while my tongue was numb and shoved against my cheek with a plastic stick to tell my all the reasons why I should let Chris get a Harley (motorcycle). Even though that conversation concluded before his workd did, as soon as his tools exited my mouth I reminded him that I am a VERY understanding wife and have been supportive of numerouse frivolous toys. My foot was down and staying firmly planted about the Harley; not to mention anything discussed with me while I am under substantial amounts of durress and pain will undoubtedly bring a negative response!

p.s. please don't mind my poor spelling and long comments

Stie said...

I adore the long comments...keep 'em coming.

As for the Harley - not even you are a good enough woman to allow such a ridiculous toy. Especially given that he would be prone to give long rides to your little boys. Best little boys don't know the thrill a motorcycle can be.

I was once in the bank and McKay saw a motorcycle go by. He asked when he could have a motorcycle (he was like 2 or 3). I said when he was 25. A tattooed biker-looking guy behind me gave me a hard time. It was actually pretty funny.

I say stick to your guns.

PortraitofPeter said...

Your wonderful story made me "tremble" at the mention of the "D" word.

How is it that I could deal with disturbances and even mini riots as a Police Officer - often first in to defuse the situation.

And yet the thought of a "D" and I tremble as I await the inevitable!!

I had to laugh though - your daughter's actions - now who does she take after??

dcrmom said...

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I detest the dentist. I've become his number 1 client over the last 5 years. Having kids KILLS your teeth. UGH.

Annie said...

Sending dental sympathy...I have been slowly replacing mine over the years. Like you, I had a silver-filling-happy dentist (he also was a big fan of laughing gas so I barely remember him except his high nasal voice. Even that memory may be drug induced!). Greg says he should have asked for a dental dowry from my parents :).